


It must have been good, but I lost it somehow

by conching



Category: Heneral Luna (2015), Heneral Luna (2015) RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 21:29:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conching/pseuds/conching
Summary: Years after he ran away, Aguinaldo comes back home to familiarity; the street he grew up in, the fleeting warmth in his heart, and the man he loved the most.





	It must have been good, but I lost it somehow

**Author's Note:**

> Title came from one of my favorite songs, It Must Have Been Love by Roxette.

A humid breeze hit him soon as he stepped out of the cab. He had missed this,  _the taxi culture_ —rosaries, figurines, and bobble heads adorning the dashboard; the fusion of rank and  _sampaguita_ invading his senses; and the unwarranted but strangely welcomed small talk from the driver. He watched the cab’s retreating bumper, gradually shrinking until it turned at the corner, never to be seen again.  
  
It had been years since he was last here, yet his last memory of that day played vividly in his mind like it had happened a few moments prior.  
  
A lot of things had changed since his last “visit;” mainly, that there were now houses erect on the vacant lots _they_ had played in when _they_ were children. He knew that this was an executive village, and that houses ( _M_ _ansions_ , he corrected himself) would soon sprout like mushrooms, but had time really gone by  _that_  fast?  
  
“ _Fuck,_ ” He mutters under his breath as he spots the beige stucco at the end of the street. "Maling baba."  
  
With a deep sigh and a resolve to fulfill his mission, he trudged on to his destination.  
  
He took in the sight of the stucco. It was just like how he remembered it, save for the grand stairs on the patio. He remembers the stairs in its full spread, but in its stead was half the stairs he envisioned and the other half a ramp. ( _Tito and tita_ were _quite old when I left all those years ago._ )  
  
He noticed that the gates were open, and he took it as permission to enter. The whole place felt like home, _and it was_.  
  
He rang the doorbell and waited.  
  
The door slowly creaked open as a man in a wheelchair appeared. ( _So that’s what--who, the ramp’s for._ )  
  
“Hi, how may I help you?” He took in the man in the wheelchair. He looked relatively older, and there was a certain tiredness in his vibe, but his eyes, his eyes were different. ( _Like that of a kindred soul, or some shit._ )  
  
“Um, taga-dito pa ba si Pole?”  
  
“Pole?” His eyebrows were knitted together.  
  
“Apolinario Mabini? Does he live here, still?”  
  
“Why ye—”  
  
“Oh! Where are my manners? Emilio nga pala. I’m a friend of Apolinario’s. Magkababata kami, and I spent most of my summers here. Weekends din,  _now that I remember clearly_.”  
  
“You seem to have known him well. Ano bang maitutulong ko sa'yo, Emilio?”  
  
“I, uh, I wanted to check if he still lived here. Nung nag-migrate kasi ako sa US, medyo naging makalat yung huli naming pagkikita. Ngayon na naliwanagan na ako, I came back to fix the shit that went down.”  
  
“… _Shit?_ ” The man looked torn between laughing and frowning at him, but Emilio was too caught up in his thoughts to notice.  
  
“I’d known him since I was little. Heck, I’d go as far as to say we’re best friends, eh kaso _slow_ ako kaya ngayon nagsisisi na akong hanggang dun lang inabot ng kwento namin.”  
  
“If it is true that you and him were,” Emilio’s face contorted to that of one offended. “ _are_ , best friends, kung ano man 'yung kasalanan mo, o kung ano man 'yung nangyari, napatawad ka na 'nun. At least, that’s how  _I_  see it.”  
  
“But you don’t understand. You  _don’t_  know what happened.”  
  
“ _Then make me understand_.” If the man’s tone was pointed or invasive to a certain extent, Emilio paid no mind.  
  
“We’ve been friends since we were little. Since  _I_  was little, really. Mas matanda siya sa'kin? Three, four years older? 'Di ko din alam kung paano nangyari, pero naging close kami. I used to think na he was stuck with snotty little me. College friends yung mga nanay namin, so it was impossible for him and I not to not be acquaintances, at the very least, kasi iisa lang naman kami ng mundong ginagalawan. We lived in the same village and our moms  _always_  met up on Saturdays to gossip over mimosas at the Country Club.”  
  
“You live in this village, too?”  
  
“Haven’t for the longest time,” He turned to look at the yard. “Pareho kami ng school, and things just fell into place, you know? Kung tutuusin magkaibang-magkaiba kami ng personality, tapos iba din kami ng barkada sa school,  _but we clicked_. We knew each other better than we knew our own siblings, _which is_ _such a shame_ , but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.”  
  
“What went wrong, then?”  
  
“I knew him so well,  _and yet I didn’t know him enough_. Him being gay was no issue. Eh ano ngayon kung ang tipo niya lalaki rin? Siya pa din naman 'yung best friend ko, wala namang nagbago. Siguro may mga moments na di niya nare-realize na di naman ako interesado sa kung sinong actor ba ang in at deserve maging in-demand na leading man, and I hated him a bit for being able to talk freely about things as such, but I went on a road to self-discovery when we moved away and I found out that I was projecting what I couldn’t be at the time.”  
  
“And you were?”  
  
“Confused. Utterly confused about who I was and what I  _really_ wanted.”  
  
“Alam mo na ngayon?” The man raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
“Yes. Nasa harap ko na, _pero na-tanga pa rin ako,_ ” Emilio brought out a stick from a tin can in his breast pocket. He lit the cigarette and took a drag before exhaling wisps of smoke.  
  
“ _Disgusting._ ” The man scrunched up his nose, dismayed at Emilio’s choice of action.  
  
“It’s a habit I never learned to break. Sorry,” The man waved his apology off with a flick of his wrist. “Ayaw niya rin na nagyo-yosi ako eh, and for some time I stopped, pero simula nung nagkahiwalay kami, I’d depended on it to destress.”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“He asked me to go on a road trip with him to Tagaytay. Two weeks prior to that, we didn't see each other at all, kaya pumayag agad ako. We ate breakfast at  _Antonio’s_  and that was when he told me he loved me. Hindi ko na maalala kung ano mismong nanyari pagkatapos nun, but we were both in tears and none of us were talking.  _That was the longest car ride I had ever been on._  Humingi ako ng oras para mag-isip, and I promised I’d be back after three days. I never came back because next thing I knew, I was booking the first flight to the US. My family and I weren’t scheduled to leave for another month, pero naduwag ako, kaya tumakas ako,” Emilio laughed bitterly as he caught sight of the time on his watch. “ _Shit._ I’m sorry, mukhang naabala na ata kita sa kadadaldal ko.”

"No, I-"  
  
“ _Pole! Dinner’s ready!_ ” A distant voice shouted from within the house. The man in the wheelchair took off his glasses and sighed.  
  
“ _Pole?_ ” Emilio whispered in disbelief.  
  
“Surprise.” Pole chuckled softly as he awkwardly scratched at the back of his head.  
  
“I didn’t recognize you at all,” He eyed Pole from head to toe, bewildered. “How?”  
  
“Polio.” They solemnly nodded at each other as they were engulfed in unadulterated silence.  
  
“Look, I’m–”  
  
“You’re sorry. Yeah, na-gets ko naman yung mga sinabi mo.”  
  
“I truly am,  _please believe me_. I didn’t mean to run away from you,  _from this_ , all those years ago. Naduwag lang talaga ako kasi akala ko mawawa ka sakin. Inisip ko na baka kapag naging tayo, baka ma-realize natin na 'di pala tayo compatible; na maghihiwalay lang din tayo. 'Pag nagkataon, pati pamilya natin magkakagulo. Hindi lang tayong dalawa ang maaapektuhan. I didn't think we had choices; I just thought that for everything else to be okay, I had to live with the fact that we would only be just friends. Pero iba na ngayon, Pole. I’m ready. I  _don’t_  give a shit what others would think about me and you, about us. I _love_ you, Pole.” He knelt down.  
  
“ _I know._ ” Pole cast a downward glance at his feet.  
  
“Please take me back. Hayaan mong mahalin kita sa paraang alam ko. Hayaan mong mahalin kita the way that I should have done all those years ago. Hayaan mong ipakalimot ko sa'yo ang lahat ng sakit na ibingay ko sa'yo; palitan natin lahat ng sakit at lungkot ng magagandang alaala,” Emilio held both Pole’s hands in his. “Let me worship every inch of your skin.  _Please, Pole, love me again._ ” He locked eyes with him before kissing his knuckles, only to feel the cold sting of a silver band on his lips.  
  
“I’m sorry, Miong,” That long-forgotten nickname. Emilio longed to hear it again, but not like this. _Never like this._ “Sabi mo bigyan kita ng tatlong araw, at ibinigay ko 'yun sa'yo. Sobra-sobra pa nga eh. Three days turned into three weeks, and then three weeks into three months, and even that into three years. Tao lang din ako, _napapagod din_.”  
  
“I didn’t know.”  
  
“Of course you didn’t. Not even a single letter came through the mail, not even an e-mail in my inbox. It was like you disappeared without a trace.” Pole should have sounded accusatory, but the rawness in his voice brought out the young man Emilio had broken—innocent and pleading.  
  
“Does _he_ make you happy?”  
  
“What makes you so sure _he’s a he?_ ” Emilio narrowed his eyes at him.

“Just answer the damn question.”

“Selong. He's not you, but I love him and he loves me.”  
  
“'Yun lang ang kailangan 'kong malaman,” Emilio stood up and took ahold of his belongings.  
  
He felt slender fingers on his wrist.  
  
“July 11 ngayon. July 8 nung sinabi mong bigyan kita ng tatlong araw. You pushed through with your three days, after all. _Late ka nga lang ng ilang taon._ ” Emilio let out a cough in an attempt to let the awkwardness dissipate.  
  
“I’ll show myself out.”  
  
“Please promise me you won’t disappear again.”  
  
“ _I promise_.” He took one last glance at Pole, to memorize every curve and every wrinkle of his face. It was the last time they would see each other, and Emilio was determined to see to it.  
  
And Pole knew.  
  
They always had known each other best. 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr as a birthday gift for one of my dearest friends, and you can find it here: https://dakilanglumpia.tumblr.com/post/147241103983/it-must-have-been-good-but-i-lost-it-somehow


End file.
